Holiday Thank You Letters: A Sampling

christmas, it would seem, is the perfect time to whip out ye olde stationary and write a few heartfelt sentiments discussing your year, accomplishments (beefing them up wherever possible and leaving out that week you spent in deep psychological dismay festering in your own filth on the couch), major events, and tucking a picture of the family/dog/new baby/something else people don't care about into a glittery envelope. i don't send that kind of letter because i have no life and, however self-centered i may be (according to some, anyway), i will never assume that people will care about what i'm doing. i do, though, strongly believe in the art of the thank you note and the craft of letting people know how incredibly thoughtlessfull their contribution to your donation pile everyday life was.

ahh yes. nothing makes the holidays feel more complete than dusting off the cranes stationary box and knowing how your letter, written in your most beautiful, scrawling handwriting, will make the recipient feel really appreciated. it's a gift to yourself, really, just knowing how you will brighten someone's lackluster day with your words of thanks. here are a few examples from my own thank you notes this christmas...take inspiration where you can.

From the Desk of Ms. Courtney Morgan

Dear Mom & Dad,
     I know a thank you card isn't really necessary, as my presence in your house is enough thanks this holiday season, but you deserve it. Thank you for the soap, deoderant, razors, and haircut certificate. That soap is my favorite even though Lindsay says it smells like "straight up hippie"! I feel like I've been looking a bit ragged after not bathing or taking care of my personal appearance in any way over the past four months, but your gifts will really help (how did you know?). I suspect you guys think I'm depressed about all of the life decisions I have ahead of me, but don't worry...I'll start getting out of bed before noon as soon as I adjust to the time change. It's great to have parents who will love you no matter what, even if I use your Restoration Hardware bath towels for hot yoga and then leave them to mildew with my sweat in the car. You guys are the best.
     I hope that my gift of macaroni wall art for your house brings you as much joy every day for the rest of your lives as it brought me when I created it for you last Sunday afternoon. I love you both!


Love,
Court

P.s. Please say "hi" to Frederick for me and make sure Milo gets a treat every now and then...he really deserves it.

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Dear Distant Relative,
    Merry Christmas/Happy Festivus! I hope that your holiday is going very well, indeed, though I'm really sorry to hear about that whole thing with Uncle Bob and the Festivus Pole...ouch! Did the doctors say his scrotum would heal ok?. 
     It is a veritable winter wonderland here-a thick veil of fog has settled in nicely and I hear there is an ice storm on the way! Yippee! Thank you so much for the new down duvet. I know that you gave me a Polo Ralph Lauren argyle sweater vest in my favorite color combination of orange and green, but when I went to exchange it at Macy's for something better a smaller size they were completely sold out company wide in all colors. Imagine that! Don't feel badly about just throwing a gift card in the mail next year if it's too stressful to shop. The duvet will prove almost as useful as long as this cold weather keeps up, though my work wardrobe will surely be lacking from your annual contribution this year.
    I hope your holidays are merry and bright, and that the airing of the grievances goes well for all. I know if we talked about that stuff on my side of the family, we would have nothing but complimentary things to say about each of you.


Love,
Court


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Dear Seester,
     Wow. Hasn't it been great living together in your house for the past few weeks? I've really loved it. Endless thanks for the cash deposit for a house of my own. What an unexpected Christmas surprise! If I didn't know any better, I would think that you were trying to get me to move out! 
     Sorry about the chili con carne incident in the microwave. Hopefully Nate cleaned that up to your standards while I was gone last weekend. I've been working on a new art project involving fecal waste and dinosaurs. You might have been the one to trip over it in the living room in the middle of the night last night, but that's ok, it didn't ruin a thing! I feel like this bonding experience has been so great for both of us...it's just too bad that there are those oppressive societal expectations for me to get a "real" job, otherwise I could live with you and Nate forever. I hope that some day the world will be more understanding of feelings.
     I hope you and Nate are really enjoying the pan of cinnamon rolls that I made for you as a Christmas gift. I ate a few yesterday and think they turned out pretty well! Happy Christmas!


Love,
L. Seester


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Dear New Boyfriend,
     I can't thank you enough for the duck hunting musket rifle thing. We are going to have so much fun killing innocent creatures together! I really cannot think of a more thoughtful gift than a way for us to spend more time together, doing what you do every weekend without me (up to this point!). 
     Though I'm not much of a hunter type, I think I will really be able to get into that whole "look". I've already bought an eyeshadow palette in greens and browns from Sephora for our first weekend trip into the wild. J.Crew also has this awesome silk safari shirt that I think will look great with my new over the knee boots and keep me hidden from those scary ducks! As for après hunting, I dug up an old Jaques Pepin recipe for duck à l'orange which should be fabulous as we curl up next to a roaring fire in the cabin after a hearty day of shooting stuff. I'm so excited! Can you believe all of our friends say we have nothing in common? 


Love you forever,
Court


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Dearest Relatives,
     Happy Holidays! Though this year's Christmas celebration was sorely lacking of your esteemed presence, your gifts have helped to fill the void. Not only will I be thoroughly greased (much like the strippers your cousin took me to see in New York) with those lotions but also warm in the ear-lobeal region due to the earmuffs. Thank you for that!
     I hope that you have a wonderful holiday, even though the true spark of our family will be absent from your celebration (me). I love each of you with the fiery warmth of a million nuclear waste plants.


Love,
Court


P.s. Did you forget about my birthday? It was November 15. I don't remember receiving a present for that occasion. It's ok if you forgot...you can make up for it next year.


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Dear Santa,
     Thank you for the very thoughtful stocking! Please pardon my glum mood as my Christmas spirit is a little down this year-I seem to be surrounded by so many cynics and Negative Nancys these days. The chapstick is great, as always, and I know people make fun of me for looking like I'm in the final stages of hypothermia but I just really really love it. 
     Though I'm not one to criticize, I feel like I need to point out that there was a 23% decrease in items in my stocking this year, and as a long time believer (you must admit that we are a rare breed during this economic downfall!) I feel like my haul should continue to grow year after year. Consider it a long-term investment in your career. 
    I look forward to talking to you next year and I hope that your evening went well. Did you notice that I used the glitter unicorn stationary you gave me when I was 15? Some things will never go out of style.


Thanks, again!
Court




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well, friends, i hope you have a really wonderful Christmas weekend and that it is "the hap hap happiest christmas since bing crosby tap-danced with danny fucking kaye."

happy holidays, my legion of (four) devoted followers!

-court